Ben Killoy

Ben Killoy

I Just Want My Family Back

I just want my family back.

I hear these words a lot with the dads I am talking to. Either they are on the edge of losing everything, or it’s already fading in the rearview mirror. There is a reason the rearview mirror is smaller than the view ahead. The conversations are not easy to have with men because they are often in the darkest moments of their lives and don’t see a way out.

Today I want to share the reality with you that I have learned after helping dads walk through this thought in 2021 and that the only thing you can get back is the relationship with yourself and by building a solid future that is compelling for your partner to come back to. I have seen it happen firsthand where a partner was already moved out and moved back in within just four weeks of working with me. However, I have seen the opposite recently. In week 4, he had already started attracting a stronger match for his future life and repelling the old away like a magnet finally aligned in the right direction to repel the old stories. The statement “I just want my family back” isn’t the best one to lead with. I prefer to lead men towards the statements, What does living look like?

Most men in this world have been told that living means providing a living when it is just a portion of the bigger idea of living. While providing for your family is next to oxygen in our life’s requirements, it will not bring more joy and happiness into the world. I remember when I dropped out of college in 2014, my dream to provide a better life after getting the degree had just dried up. I had to rethink, imagine my life from the ground up and get back to my version of living. I won’t tell you it’s easy, short, or pain-free. If anything, it will be the opposite; it will be a process to learn from pain vs. suppress it.

It will be an invitation to apply a quote that I recently learned from a podcast episode that came out today.

“God’s preparation is sometimes packaged as pain, and sometimes he has to do something in you before he can do something with you” – Jordan Montgomery.

The question I left with you today is,

Don’t just tell me you want your family back; tell me.

What does living look like for you, and what are you willing to change today to break the cycle?

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