Ben Killoy

Ben Killoy

Fear and Faith

What do fear and faith both have in common?

They both represent the future in an unknown state. They are both a choice that we have every day we wake up. Are you going to lean into the fear in our thoughts or lean into the faith?

Before humans left the cave, fear kept us safe; it was fear that kept us alive; it was fear that our brains learned to detect danger. 

For a long time, that method worked well; it kept us alive.

But how does that show up now in modern times?

Why does it feel like our lives are filled with fear every day even though we are no longer surrounded by life-threatening danger?

Let’s go deeper.

Why do you fear having a conversation with someone when there is no threat to your life most likely? Is it just words or something else?

Let’s bring it back to your childhood; what did you fear growing up?

How did you protect yourself from that fear?

How did you learn to survive as a child?

Did you learn early on that being yourself led to a threat to your survival?

As kids, we have limited experience in life to know what will hurt us and what is not, and we see it with kids all the time where they don’t have any fear. It’s a learned skill, but what happens when you learn the wrong fear growing up?

What if you learned that growing up, you had to turn off your emotions to survive? Showing emotions would turn Dad into a monster, so you learned how to prevent it to keep you safe.

“Boy, I will give you something to cry about” – Destructive Dad

All kids crave physiological safety, which is a big fancy term for they just want to feel safe when they feel frightened, and they have a deep desire to feel safe in their parents’ love. 

Let’s play this out more; what if you didn’t feel that love growing up or safety? Where would you go? 

We see it worldwide; kids turn to gangs, bad crowds, seek attention, all in the name of feeling safe and loved.

“If you want to change the world overnight, put a dad on every street corner.” – Meg Meeker

Being a Dad is a powerful title because you have the power to enhance or destroy your kid’s natural ability to unconditionally love the ones around them.

But let’s go back to you for a minute. 

What happens if you learn to fear being emotional, fear desiring to be loved, fear to express love? If you are honest with yourself, you might already see that with your kid(s) and already have moments where you are like, “dam, I am my parents.”

Let’s switch to the opposite word, faith. 

What if you were able to live your life with the faith that you are loved?

What if you were able to live your life with the faith that love is abundant?

What if you were able to live your life with the faith that I am enough?

What if you were able to live your life with the faith that I am good?

One requires you to let go of control of the future course of events, and only one attracts a higher place of living.

Living with the fear that I need to protect the 10-year-old boy inside me that just wanted to be loved isn’t a way to invite more love into your life.

Living with the fear that if that boy dies, I die with him. 

What if we have faith that little boy has been trying to teach you a lesson all your life?

What if that lesson was as simple as learning to love that little boy and loving him in a way no one in your life ever did, and its that lesson that will invite more love into your life in the present. 

I have faith that you are learning to love that boy unconditionally will allow you to become the man you were created to be and love yourself unconditionally and everyone in your life. 

I have faith that you will break the cycle.

I have faith that today, good will come into your life.

I have faith that you are good.

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