Ben Killoy

Ben Killoy

Life Happens For Us, Not To Us

How do you feel about your life so far at this point?

Is it the one you wanted, or is it the one you felt like you had to have?

Ever get worked up into the comparison game trying to see who has the better life, and why can’t that be my life?

Or maybe you are on the opposite spectrum, and you are just waiting for others to figure out that you are an imposter. 

Either way, life has a funny way of setting up these thoughts for us, and it’s only made worse by social media showing the good parts of everyone’s life.

But what is the cure?

How do we get through this?

How do we get back on track to a place we often don’t even know where that is. 

In my coaching, a critical process I take every Dad through is helping them find value in their life. Not just the good parts, but the bad parts, and not just the safe ones but the ugly ones too. Unfortunately, for most of us, no one ever comes up to us and tells us what is valuable in our lives and what isn’t. The closest feeling we get to this is our employment where someone trades a particular part of our value for money, and we typically disregard the rest.

The problem we have been told about life is that it should be easy, easy is good, profitable, and fulfilling. But I can say easy won’t take you to the more significant places you are meant to go.

The natural path to a rich life, not in wealth but wisdom, relationships, and family, is to understand that all roads in life are hard, but in life, you get to choose the hard roads you want. The hard roads will take you to where you have always wanted to go.

And it’s the hard roads that will reveal more of who you are, what you are made of, and what you believe in and want to fight for in the world. 

It’s also where you will learn that life is happening for us, not to us, as you travel those roads. We are not born with the wisdom of how life works, but it must be experienced. 

What most men are missing in life is life. But, unfortunately, when I look at a Dad’s life, I often don’t see anything that resembles living. Instead, I see a sequence of repeat patterns not oriented towards growth but only survival.

Life is not about survival; it’s about experiences and, more importantly, teaching our kids the blueprint to figure out how they can thrive in life and not just survive. 

How is your life happening for you?

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